Gay couples Archives - Gay Couple Counselling (UK)

Google AdWords: A Lack Humour?

Fri, 14 Feb 2014 12:16:44 +0000

Dean Richardson Professional LGBTQ+ Counsellor

As a couple counsellor who focuses on working with gay and lesbian couples, one of my marketing approaches is to use Google AdWords.

When using AdWords, it helps enormously to have an understanding of Unique Selling Points (USP) … and, perhaps, a sense of humour. One has to stand out from all the other “I’m Yet Another Counsellor” adverts in order be chosen by a potential client.

Today, I had one of my new adverts rejected on Google AdWords. Here it is:-

Google AdWords – Counselling for Gay Couples

The text is: “Troubled Gay Male Couples – counselling for LGBT relationships that suck… but not in a good way.”

Now, I thought that was pretty clever: “suck” meaning not only ‘the relationship is not going very well’ but also to tacitly refer to the act of fellatio.

From a position of having to be exceptionally careful about what they display on their search engine network, I do understand that this advert might be a little risky for Google – particularly if it offended anyone enough to become litigious.

But… come on!

For fairness, I’ve included the reasons why Google rejected this advert, shown on the right hand side: “Punctuation” and “Inappropriate Language”.

Oh well

What do you think? Leave a comment below.e

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Why we recommend “Homo History” Blog

Sat, 26 Jan 2013 15:55:38 +0000

Marriage Equality Logo © torbakhopper

As gay people, many of us had to grow up like cuckoos in the nest … hiding within families in which we would have been seen as the enemy, were we discovered.

In our desperation, we have looked outside of our families for signs that there are other people like us … and many time we have failed.

How is it that we failed?

As more time passes and facts come to light, we begin to learn that our histories were being rewritten by organisations like Hollywood and obfuscated by those who believed it was their duty to hide gay and lesbian people (and those in LGBT relationships) from society. If we/they couldn’t be seen, then we/they didn’t exist.

No wonder we have struggled to “come out” of an oppressive closet.

Fortunately, nowadays things are becoming brighter … we are not alone. In fact, we never really were. We are coming to re-learn certain facts about our collective forgotten & edited histories through modern courage: the film “J Edgar” shows us that Hoover had had a loving, long-term (probably unconsummated) relationship with Clyde Tolson. Photographs and stories of James Dean show us that wasn’t just someone with a passing “gay-curiosity”; he was actively engaged sexually with men and embraced his sexuality. Gay men didn’t just hang about secretly in underground caverns … they showed their love and relationships openly in family-style photographs (as well as being kept discretely in wallets).

Wait, what? There’s photographic evidence of loving gay relationships??!

It is with great pleasure & pride that Gay Couple Counselling.com recommends our readers look through the website Homo Histories ( http://homohistory.blogspot.co.uk/ ) packed full of vintage photographs of gay and lesbian couples clearly showing their affection for one another.

Reading through this blog, one begins to recognise how our history has been tipp-exed over and re-written. As we grew up we were fed lies and the truth about the people we were searching for was covered over.

Reading Homo History gives one a refreshing sense that we existed, we were in healthy, loving and committed relationships, and that we and our loving relationships belong in society as much as any other married couple.

If ever we doubt ourselves again, websites like Homo Histories are there to remind us that we are not along, we love, and that we have always existed.

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Long-Distance LGBT Couple Counselling

Tue, 18 Dec 2012 14:57:07 +0000

'The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner' © Pilot Theatre

It’s not uncommon for gay and lesbian couple relationships to become successful over long distances.

Whether the couple began through meeting online through services like Grindr, Gaydar, Qrushr Girls etc, or began through meeting in person whilst on holiday, gay men and lesbian women can find themselves in love with someone who lives in a different country (or a different town).

And just like all other long-distance relationships, as gay and lesbian people we suffer the struggles to get into the country of our loved one.

But unlike heterosexual couples, our long-distance relationships can struggle to have our relationships and their loved ones recognised by the country to which we wish to emigrate.

Our relationships pose a unique set of conflicts and stresses that can damage our intimate couple relationships.

Counselling for LGBT Long-Distance Relationships.

Why? Well, couples in long-distance relationships can suffer the same struggles and conflicts as couples who live together.

Long-distance LGBT relationships can struggle with a unique set of problems, specific to living in different countries (or different towns).

Maintaining a non-physical relationship over Skype can be difficult (but can be creative!).

LGBT couples in long-distance relationships need to learn how to communicate in different ways than from couples who are living together; Gay Couple Counselling can help with that. When the relationship is struggling to stay together, consulting a qualified gay couple counsellor can be a great help to keeping the relationship going.

Conflicts in Long Distance Relationships.

How familiar do these problems seem to you … we tackle matters like this in a majority of cases:-

Learning how to understand your partner (and avoid assumptions about what’s being said to you).
Learning how to stay with a conversation when topics become difficult.
Learning how to offer support to your partner, even when you’re feeling low yourself.
Learning courage in how to ask your partner about things (things that, perhaps, seem easier to assume).
Learning about closed-relationships & open-relationships and how to discuss and negotiate a successful long-distance contract.

Begin Counselling for Long Distance LGBT Couples.

Dean Richardson MBACP(accred) – specialist in gay couple counselling

Dean Richardson specialises in therapy for gay couples in long-distance relationships. Dean’s intention is to make counselling for gay couples in different countries (or same country, different towns) easy to understand and easy to begin.

It’s important that you both can make an informed decision about counselling – Dean will help you both with that.

Not until you and your partner are sure that you want to try counselling will you begin with a one-off session.

Skype LGBT Couple Counselling.

Long-distance couple counselling is achieved through Skype video conferencing … so you and your partner will need a Skype account, a device capable of running Skype software, and a place of privacy for 50 minutes a week.

Come and say Hello!

So, simply say “hello” and tell Dean what you and your partner are looking for. Dean will email you with options to think about and we can discuss arrangements from there.

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Systemic Couple Therapy and Depression

Fri, 15 Jun 2012 13:00:10 +0000

“Systemic Couple Therapy and Depression”.

Authors: Elsa Jones, Eia Asen.

ISBN: 1-85575-221-2

In 1991 The London Depression Intervention Trial (LDIT) set out to compare three treatments for depression of individuals: CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy), Systemic Couple Therapy and Anti-Depressants. All approaches were to be manualised (i.e. the intention and approaches by all therapists were documented). This book is mostly the product of the Systemic Couple Therapy portion of the trial (whilst adding appropriate findings from the trial).

The trial concluded that Systemic Couple Therapy achieved better results when treating an individual’s depression than CBT or by anti-depressants.

The CBT patients dropped out (8 out of the first 11) so the CBT arm of the trial had to be stopped at an early stage.

The book is a good review of the therapist’s approach to Systemic Couple therapy.

One should note, however, that the systemic approach was the only one that was treating the depressed in individual in the context of a couple-relationship (ie treated a relationship), whereas the CBT approach and the drug-treatment approach treated the individual. If one were to compare a CBT-couple therapy approach or even an drug-treatment for a couple relationship approach comparing such findings might be interesting.

NB the system couple approach is the main approach practised by our therapist: Dean Richardson.

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Handbook of Structured Techniques in Marriage and Family Therapy

Thu, 14 Jun 2012 12:06:08 +0000

“Handbook of Structured Techniques in Marriage and Family Therapy”.

Authors: Robert Sherman & Norman Fredman.

ISBN: 0-87630-424-2

In couple therapy it’s important that the couple be encouraged and assisted in coming up with their own perturbing solutions to their restricting relationship problems. The therapist “prescribing” courses of action may be helpful, but without the couple’s own investment in their own recovery, prescriptive advice can become like school homework: it has to be done (or avoided) rather than the couple wanting to do it. Some couples struggle to be creative, though. Having behaved how they believed they should have been doing (some for decades), being invited to do something different will be a struggle.

In this book – the authors describe excercises that may give the couple inspiration about what they might invent for themselves.

Each excerise takes the following format:-

A theoretical base (eg Rationale)
An overview of the exercise.
A description of the procedure (how to do the exercise)
An example.
Suggested uses – where this exercise might help
A brief bibliography of resources that cover this exercise.

There are 59 in total.

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Relationship Therapy with Same-Sex Couples

Sun, 10 Jun 2012 16:25:21 +0000

“Relationship Therapy with Same-Sex Couples”.

Editors: Jerry J. Bigner, Joseph L. Wetchler.

ISBN: 0-7890-2555-8

This book is a collection of sections written by therapists who work in therapy with gay and lesbian intimate couple relationships. The book is divided into larger sections, each encompassing two to five articles written by different authors.

This book is therefore useful to refer to when a particular topic comes up in therapy (or in a relationship).

The sections are:-

Clinical Issues with Same Sex Couples.

Clinical Issues with Same-Sex Couples – a review of the Literature.		Colleen M. Connolly
Clinical Issues with Gay Male Couples.		Gil Tunnell David E. Greenan
Identity and Cultural Narrative in a Lesbian Relationship.		M. Theodora Pintzuk
Bisexual Issues in Same-Sex Couple Therapy.		Mary Bradford
Supporting Transgender and Sex Reassignment Issues: Couple and Family Dynamics.		Gianna E. Israel

Sex Therapy with Same-Sex Couples.

A Systems Approach to Sex Therapy with Gay Male Couples.		Michael Bettinger
Resolving the Curious Paradox of the (A)Sexual Lesbian.		Marny Hall

Special Issues with Same-Sex Couples.

Working with Gay and Lesbian Parents		Jerry J. Bigner
Paths and Pitfalls: How Heterosexual Spouses Cope When Their Husbands Or Wives Come Out		Amity Pierce Buxton
An Interpersonal and Intercultural Embrace: A Letter of Reflection on My Gay Male relational Connections.		Eric Aoki

Training Issues for Working with Same-Sex Couples.

The Sexual Orientation Matrix for Supervision: A Tool for training Therapists to Work with Same-Sex Couples.		Janie J. Long Elizabeth Lindsey
A Heterosexual Therapist’s Journey Toward Working with Same-Sex Couples.		Joseph L. Wetchler
Resource on Same-Sex Couples for therapists and Clients.		Debra Wallace Kevin P. Lyness

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Zoom: Gay Couple Video-Therapy

Dean Richardson MNCPS(Accred/Reg) — Fri, 01 Jun 2012 10:57:54 +0000

Woman Resting Head on Girlfriend's Shoulder ca. 1999 © Microsoft Office Clipart

For gay couples who are interested in working with a professionally qualified Gay Couple Therapist via Zoom video counselling sessions, GayCoupleCounselling.com reaches out to work with gay couples throughout the world.

Not looking for online gay couple relationship therapy? Try our Portsmouth in-person Face-to-Face services.

Ideal for:

Gay and lesbian couples in a long distance relationship (different towns, counties/states or even different countries).
Gay relationships where the couple live away from one of our professionally qualified gay couple Zoom therapists.

Gay Couples use Zoom Video

Our video couple counselling services for LGBT relationships uses Zoom’s “group video” service and is targeted toward gay couples, lesbian couples, mixed-sexuality couples in intimate/committed relationships who wish to use GayCoupleCounselling.com‘s therapy services but who are either unable to travel to a face-to-face/in-person meeting, or who are in a long-distance relationship.

Long-distance/remote couple relationships are couples who are in separate countries or separate counties/states/towns who wish to work with GayCoupleCounselling.com specifically as a Specialist in LGBT Couples Counselling.

Benefits of Zoom for Counselling

Not all relationships are in the same home: in the same city, same county/state or even the same country!
Long distance couple relationships struggle with conflicts as much as living-together relationships.
Working with your partner via Zoom with a qualified & experienced gay couples counsellor can be an appropriate therapy for your relationship problems.
The same therapeutic boundaries are maintained: time boundaries, session schedule’s and working practices.

Using Zoom

Most couples prefer to use two devices (eg 2 x computers, a computer and a Zoom-enabled Smart Phone etc…) but if the couple can tolerate to sit very close to each other then a single Zoom camera will suffice; the couple need to be able to look at each other from time to time The choice to use one or two Zoom devices is yours, though.

Confidentiality & Zoom Video Conference.

Zoom has a position on confidentiality which may effect some couples’ decision to participate in Zoom video conference couple counselling – a version of Microsoft’s is here: https://www.zoom.com/en/trust/privacy/privacy-statement/

Time Differences

Zoom couple counselling can be ideal for remote/Long-distant relationships – but we will have to manage any time-differences.

Outside-of-session Contact.

It is sometimes necessary to make contact with the counsellor outside of the sessions (e.g. to cancel or rearrange an appointment). When emailing Dean, best practice is to CC your partner in the email. Unless it has been agreed otherwise by everyone, individual contact with Dean without the knowledge of the partner is not advisable, but we will manage this as far as possible should it become necessary.

Whilst attempting to engage in contact beyond the time-boundaries and therapy-boundaries is discouraged, we will manage situations as they arise.

Do Video Conference Services permit Counselling?

Video Conference Services do not prohibit counselling and therapy via their communication services.

Contact us today for Gay Couple Video Counselling.

Are you a gay or lesbian couple, a couple in a mixed-sexuality relationship, looking for support and professional assistance in managing your relationship conflicts?

1) Look through the directory for a therapist who you’d like to contact or

2) Contact us to discuss your needs.

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Havant: Face-to-Face Gay Couple Counselling

Dean Richardson MNCPS(Accred/Reg) — Fri, 01 Jun 2012 10:51:58 +0000

For gay couples who are interested in working with a professionally qualified, gay couple counsellor in person (“Face-to-Face”), you can work with Dean Richardson in his private practice, located in Havant, Hampshire (United Kingdom):-

Dean Richardson MNCPS(Accredited Registrant),
c/o The Cove (Therapy Rooms),
Old Stable Yard, West Street,
Havant,
Hampshire,
PO9 1PF.

Not looking for in-person face-to-face gay couple relationship therapy? Try our Skype Online services.

Service relocated to Counselling of Gay Couples (LGBTCoupleCounselling.co.uk)…

Directions to The Cove, Havant.

Whether driving by car, taking a taxi, or visiting by train, Gay Couple Counselling is a service that’s easily accessible within Havant, Hampshire, with convenient parking places, or a short walk from the station.

For full details see: HavantCounselling.com/location

Google Map / Directions.

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Contact us for Face-to-face Gay Couple Counselling.

Are you a gay or lesbian couple, a couple in a mixed-sexuality relationship, looking for support and professional assistance in managing your relationship conflicts?

1) Look through the directory for a therapist who you’d like to contact or

2) Contact us to discuss your needs.

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Why Counselling for Gay Relationships?

Fri, 01 Jun 2012 10:46:56 +0000

Gay men and lesbian women are as capable of managing relationship conflicts as anyone else. Through, many of us are disadvantaged by the way we were brought up in heteronormative, gay-unaware or gay-intolerant families.

It’s stereotypical to think of gay couples as destroying their relationships the moment emotional lives become complicated. ‘No baggage…’, ‘sorted…’, ‘no strings…’ are common phrases seen on gay dating services – and their use are telling of deeper issues than a simple need for an “uncomplicated” relationship.

GayCoupleCounselling.com provides therapy services for the distinct needs of gay & lesbian couples. We’ll resolve disturbing histories, perturb repeatedly unhappy behaviours, improve trust & increase relationship intimacy…

Why choose Couple Counselling for Gay Relationships?

The choice to bring your relationship into counselling can be a courageous one.

Men who struggle to be in partnership with another man.
Women who struggle to be in a partnership with another woman.
Men and women who fall in love with someone who’s sexuality is dissimilar to their own.

Often, LGBT couples begin their relationship with expectations of a partner based upon a heterosexual parental template. WE who have been htought up in a gay family are of the minority, therefore it’s quite right that the only templates of relationships come from heterosexual parents. For the most part, as children many of us have been living as “the enemy within”. Even when we have “come out”, many of our families have had to adjust to embrace us … and if they have had to adjust this suggests they were living a non-gay/heteronormative family life-style to begin with.

What we bring into relationships include:

Baggage from our pasts.
For some – the ingrained message that ‘we are not normal’.
Our relationship-templates learned from our non-gay families.
How our parents resolved (or not ) their relationship conflicts.
Our relationship-templates quietly learning from a heteronormative family.

We work on our relationships to make them successful – and sometimes we need a little help from someone whom we can trust.

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Counselling Focussed on Gay Couples (UK)

Dean Richardson MNCPS(Accred/Reg) — Wed, 15 Sep 2010 05:33:46 +0000

Welcome to GayCoupleCounselling.com

Counselling for gay couples – GayCoupleCounselling.com is a British-based, world-wide therapy service exclusively for gay and lesbian couples, and couples of mixed-sexuality/mixed-gender.

Whether you’re in a civil-partnership, marriage (as far as your country recognises LGBT marriage), intimate relationships, polyamorous relationship or platonic friendship and you’re having relationship problems, we’re the people to speak with to help you to get your relationship back on tracks.

Service relocated to Counselling of Gay Couples (LGBTCoupleCounselling.co.uk)…

Why “Gay” Couple Counselling?

As gay people, we live our lives via a similar but distinctly different rules to heterosexual people.

We work with heterosexual people, most of us have heterosexual friends, but our lives are mostly not in a heterosexual society:

We have to go through a coming-out process for our intimate relationships to be recognised
We don’t necessarily have monogamy at the centre of our intimate relationships.
We can’t always fill in those forms where it asks us if we’re married or not (only two choices?) – or when society doesn’t recognise our particular living arrangements.
Our attentions are not necessarily turned to buy that car advertised by a nearly-naked woman making suggestions towards the male-customer; we’re gay people living in a mostly-heteronormative society.

As gay men and women, we live our lives with a similar-but-distinctly-different set of rules to our intimate relationships from those of heterosexual people. When then, when our intimate relationships are in difficulties, would we want to engage in a standard couple therapy service that gives us the impression that ‘man-marries-wife’, or that we suspect have reworded phrases such as “your wife” to “your partner”?

Gay men and lesbian woman have a distinct right to happy relationships – and we are just as much at risk of relationship-conflicts as are any other couple. GayCoupleCounselling.com provides a friendly, helpful and professional service to help and support gay relationships in conflict.

Trust your partnership with our knowledge, understanding and positive-help towards gay couple relationships.

Bonus Article: “How a Gay Couple Counsellor Thinks” (Systemic Methodology) (LGBTCoupleCounselling.co.uk).