Shared Anxieties – Unconscious Collusion in Gay Relationships

Resolving History within a Gay Couple Relationship

Written by on 6 Sep, 2012 in Couple Processes, Gay Relationships | 0 comments

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Resolving the past in the now.

Shared Anxieties – Unconscious Collusion in Gay Relationships
"Waiting for the Judges" © AllSpice1

…one of the ways the unconscious attempts to help out at resolving those past experiences is to recreate them in the present.
One thing we cannot do is go back into the past and fix the “then”.

Because our unconscious tries to help us by neatly spotting the right ingredients that could recreate our past injuries, we might have to hold the idea that at some level, there’s intention going on:  if I experience the “then” in the “now” then I can fix the “now” because I can’t fix the “then” then.  if I fix it in the “now” then the “then” will be resolved too.

OK, some of you will read this and think “that’s bullshit” – but, if you were to hold the concept for a moment, you might realise that it’s a really creative and neat idea: make the past happen now and we can fix the now.

Unfortunately, as this is going on unconsciously, the conscious beings that we are are really that aware that the stage is being set for us to consciously resolve these matters.  We don’t get a memo:-

Dear Conscious –

I’m setting up something for you to handle. Do your best. Good luck.

Lots of love,Your Unconscious x

So because we’re not aware of us setting up the stage (it is us after all) we’re surprise at the “oh no, not again” experience and we get trapped in the cycle of self-doubt and sadness.

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