Five Secrets of Happier Gay Couples
Posted by on 6 Sep, 2012 in Gay Relationships | 0 comments
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#3) Couples share the truth / show authenticity to one another.
Honestly, I tell you, no-one can tell when you’re lying… 😉
Everybody lies … and in my role of a couple therapist one of the greatest demands on my style is consistent authenticity. Whilst it is not my practice to reveal my private life, it is my ethical duty to manage questions about me in the context of the therapeutic relationship. Dismissing a person question with “I don’t answer person questions” belittles the therapy.
I am demonstrating trust-able behaviour and consistent responses. I’m holding boundaries that were agreed up front (we’re here for therapy, not a social relationship, though the two can look very similar).
In the beginning, it’s likely (we hope) that both partners are more truthful with each other than later in the relationship (“pillow talk” is a good example of this). Introducing inauthentic behaviour – such as telling lies – will be detected at some unconscious level by ones partner, if we believe that we all communicate openly at different levels.
If a partner cannot tell their partner the truth, this may be a nail in the coffin of the relationship – how many nails does it take to seal the lid?
If a lie has become easier than the truth, then the couple may not be very good at managing negotiation and disagreements – which, if addressed in counselling, can reduce the need to lie.
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