Five Secrets of Happier Gay Couples
Posted by on 6 Sep, 2012 in Gay Relationships | 0 comments
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#4) Couples grow to be less anxious when their partner is away.
Without paying attention, over time some gay couples find that their relationship has overtaken all their friendships. For one reason and another, friends are left behind until there is only the partner that exists in the world.
If we think attachment theoryAttachment Theory: The theory (originally from John Bowlby/Mary Ainsworth) that describes long-term human relationships with concepts such as the "secure base" and attachment-pattern styles to include: secure attachment, insecure-avoidant attachment, insecure-ambivalent attachment and disorganized attachment.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_theory for a moment (eg the early relationship of the infant to its caregiver) both partners may experience deeply-felt insecurities from time to time. Jealously (“where were you all night?”), suspicion (“who are you seeing behind my back?”) are two examples of how an insecure attachment style may manifest itself in the partnership.
Dealing with attachment styles (particularly when partners have somewhat incompatible styles) may be managed by the partners paying attention to each individual’s attachment-history. The fear where one was abandoned or hurt long time ago can be a very real fear, but may also be contained by each partner’s understanding, showing behavioural consistency (eg one partner going out on his weekly social event causes his partner anxiety, but returning home at an agreed hour, or managing unforeseen circumstances (telephoning if going to be late) can greatly help the anxiety in the relationship. Secure attachment styles may handle can handle unplanned behaviour from the partner whereas insecure attachment may not be able to manage well.
The couple knowing that their relationship ‘exists’ whilst they are separated, and feeling a deep sense of knowledge about this, can be a relieving antidote to the ‘babes-in-the-wood’ couple.
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