Sex and Intimacy: Conflicting Concepts in Gay-Male Couples?
Posted by on 29 Jul, 2012 in Gay Relationships | 1 comment
Pages: « previous page 1 2 3 4 5 next page »
Gay Men’s Struggles with Intimacy-without-Sex.
"Kiss: Alvin + Chatri" © See-ming Lee
Some gay couples find it a struggle when moments of intimacy seem always to have to lead onto sex.
This behaviour can be fine for many gay couples, but when one or both men find that their simple wish to show their partner a moment of affection always leads to sex, and one or both partners don’t want this, this can be quite frustrating.
- When posed the concept, it doesn’t surprise a great many number of gay men that sex does not have to include intimacy.
- However, when posted the opposite concept, it does surprise a similar number of gay men that intimacy does not have to include sex.
The first concept (sex does not have to include intimacy) will be familiar with gay men who have had a promiscuous sex life. The concept of “hooking up” mostly involves a kind of hunter-capture process: attract the man, have sex with the man, move on. Very little authentic intimacy is involved here.
The second concept (intimacy does not have to include sex) can be a significant struggle for a gay man who’s only experience of intimacy has been sex.
What is Intimacy in Gay Couple Relationships?
Intimacy: “Intimacy generally refers to the feeling of being in a close personal association and belonging together.” (Wikipedia)
Demonstrating such intimacy through intimate acts may surprise a number of gay men. Mostly, when discussed with gay male couples about what they consider to be intimate, the acts are quite simple and uncomplicated.
Intimate acts might include such simple demonstrations as:-
- Kissing on the cheek.
- Helping with preparing the dinner.
- Falling asleep with your head on his lap.
- Taking a bath together (without sex having to follow).
- Holding him when he’s upset.
- Spending time with him.
Pages: « previous page 1 2 3 4 5 next page »
1 Comment
Note – since I wrote this article I’ve received helpful feedback telling me that this behaviour is also experienced (and acted out…) by some lesbian women too.